Are you also tempted to vent your anger and frustration at everyone in the general vicinity?
Perhaps you are in the same boat. The sick or injured people in your life are already suffering enough. Don't you sometimes want to blame them for your loss of freedom and increased responsibility?
Do you lash out at your spouse?
Often, your spouse is the only available target that you know will take the abuse. You know they will still hang in there because of their love. It is definitely not fair or wise to do so, but it happens.
Isn't that the way of life...the guilty escape punishment and the innocent suffer?
When sickness or injury strikes, it is difficult to determine who are the guilty parties...the sick person, God, the driver of the car that caused the accident, etc. When bad things happen to good people, the question of guilt seems to always pop up. The answer is not so simple.
No one should be the subject of a massive, destructive tongue lashing.
It is so easy to blame others for our misfortunes. Satan definitely wants to hear you scream at your sick or injured parents, children, siblings or other family member, "You ruined my life. You are a cripple because you didn't take my advice! How could you be so stupid. You deserve it. I am so sick of changing your dirty diapers, washing your genitals, cleaning up the stinking poop and rancid urine and washing the defiled sheets and blankets." Only a saint would not have these thoughts occasionally flash through their mind...and perhaps they experience the same feelings but handle them better.
Showing true love really hurts when you have to deny yourself, pick up your cross and follow Jesus.
Isn't that the basic message of Jesus Christ...take up your cross and follow me. It does take a lot of grace, faith and hope to take this path. Sometimes, the path is so difficult!
The picture of Jesus carrying us when we can go no further is so inspiring.
The burdens to bear are often more than we can handle through our own efforts and resources. It is comforting to know that God is good and has a awesome plan for our lives?
When I decided to "Trust the Lord with all my heart, lean not on my own understanding, acknowledge Him in in all my ways and He would direct my path." was I really ready for the consequences?
Who would have imagined taking care of two sick parents would be my eventual reality. Is it possible to be a suffering servant continually without a mental and spiritual breakdown?
The major challenges of faith and love are a part of the human condition.
How do people survive without the help of the Creator? When burdens get so heavy, only the groaning of the spirit is possible. When we cannot pray, it is comforting to know that the Holy Spirit prays for us and expresses our deepest sorrow and endless petitions for help.
"Love hurts!" is the secret part of this emotion few of us want to experience.
You often don't realize the truth of this statement until you go through some event where you have to personally sacrifice something in your life for others. The idols in their lives are often more beloved that the human beings populating our personal univers.
What are your idols?
Perhaps material possessions, driving your SUV or Porsche, working out, surfing, bike riding, etc. are the things you love the most. Man, do I ever miss going to the gym. Working out for an hour a day was a joy while it lasted. Now the option to leave when ever I want is not possible...this really hurts.
Doing whatever you want whenever you want is one of the greatest joys in life...without consequences or responsibility.
Can you still remember when you were a youth and your parents took care of all the details? You had the almost total freedom to do whatever you wanted, with few consequences.
Did you ever think, "I am so sick of not being free to do my own thing, live on my own, make a living and buy the thinks I want?"
Most people do! At this point in my life my thought process is, "What in the world was I thinking?"
Do you long to go back to the days of your youth when your major concerns were a date on Friday and Saturday nights?
Yes, I certainly do. Perhaps, every generation, not just us babyboomers go through the same thing. As parents age, disease rears it's ugly head. The scary thing is that we are on that same pathway.
What will our children do when it is our turn to be invalids?
Thursday, September 09, 2004
Wednesday, September 08, 2004
The Nurses, Physical Therapists and Doctors Told Us In No Uncertain Terms...."You will not be able to take care of your father at home!"
Sometimes it is easy to say you can do something without any experience.
Were the doctors, nurses and physical therapists correct? Would we be optimistic, inexperienced well-wishers without a clue what home health care was all about? Yes and NO! Yes, we had no idea on just how much work would be required. No, we are not quitters and will do anything we can to be successful, at least for now.
Have you ever had to take care of a loved one at home?
If you have, my heart goes out to you. You have my unending admiration!
Isn't it strange how when your life "hits the fan" so many other people you come in contact with are going through the same experience.
No one really wants to share the horror and joy of full-time health care for a family member. You end up experiencing both extremes at the end of the pendulum swing.
Some days are so precious, you would never give them up for all the "gold in the world."
On other days, when personalities grate, fears of death and permanent disablement surface and financial worries rear their ugly heads, you wonder "What was I thinking?" "How in the world did my life change so dramatically in a moment of time"
Most people who are going though this babyboomer nightmare, don't want to whine or whimper, but share their feelings with those going through the same thing.
Especially with parents, you are trapped in a "Catch 22" ..."damned if you do and damned if you don't!" When the cataclysmic event occurs, you are traumatized in a predictable way. "Will your parent live or die...survive the event and make it alive out of the hospital?"
Did you also used to think that when a person dropped dead, it was a terrible curse?
Now it seems the people who drop dead suddenly are the truly blessed. The long term suffering from the damage caused by Alzheimer's, stroke, heart attack and other quality-of-life destroying diseases affects everyone in the family. Your heart goes out to the afflicted, but you cry for your own situation.
24 hour health care toll is heaviest on those who fight the battle every day.
Usually, the spouses, most often the wives, are forced into this position. In a society where men often make more money that women, the man must keep working to pay the bills...even if it is his parent or parents health that fails.
My reason for not writing on this blog for over two weeks is a chain of catastrophic events that destroys your ability to do anything other than attend to the crisis occurring at that moment in time.
The Sunday morning after Janet returned from visiting her family in Dallas, mom work me up in the early morning saying, "I cannot breathe!" Immediately, we leapt into action. Janet said she would take care of dad while I raced mom to the emergency ward. Mom was coughing and fighting the dry heaves. The entire time I was wondering, "Is this it?"
The emergency ward nurses immediately admitted mom to try to stabilize the congestive heart failure.
Sitting in the waiting room, wondering" where my life had gone", I called my sister to either go over to the house to help Janet with the dad or come wait at the hospital to see what happened to mom.
When you are dealing with the poor health of both parents, the burden on the care givers escalates exponentially.
Your life is not your own. Someone has to always be with either one or both of the parents. You don't know when a emergency trip to the hospital is required, diapers need to be changed, sorrow needs to be replaced with hope....it is endless.
Mom was difficult to stabilize so she was admitted and styed three days, only to arrive home with a sever cough.
After a stay in the hospital, with all the emergency procedures, the patient is exhausted. Usually, there is so much noise, the person does not sleep well. Doing everything according to hospital time requires being forced awake every two hours for blood tests, heart rate evaluation, etc.
There is an extreme amount of anger when your personal power is usurped by hospital staff.
You would be angry to if all your freedom to make your own decisions was instantly removed. Hospital stays are no fun. Who wants to be poked, prodded, MRIed and punctured on a daily basis. Lets face the facts, going to the hospital "sucks big time."
What do you do when all your time is invested in just taking care of your parents?
Unless you have tons of money and can hire individuals to provide 24 hour care, prayer and trust in God is your only hope. You have to believe that God will provide for your needs in miraculous ways. This takes a huge leap of faith...especially when you don't know where the money is coming from...but God does deliver us and does take care of our needs...
To Be Continued...
Were the doctors, nurses and physical therapists correct? Would we be optimistic, inexperienced well-wishers without a clue what home health care was all about? Yes and NO! Yes, we had no idea on just how much work would be required. No, we are not quitters and will do anything we can to be successful, at least for now.
Have you ever had to take care of a loved one at home?
If you have, my heart goes out to you. You have my unending admiration!
Isn't it strange how when your life "hits the fan" so many other people you come in contact with are going through the same experience.
No one really wants to share the horror and joy of full-time health care for a family member. You end up experiencing both extremes at the end of the pendulum swing.
Some days are so precious, you would never give them up for all the "gold in the world."
On other days, when personalities grate, fears of death and permanent disablement surface and financial worries rear their ugly heads, you wonder "What was I thinking?" "How in the world did my life change so dramatically in a moment of time"
Most people who are going though this babyboomer nightmare, don't want to whine or whimper, but share their feelings with those going through the same thing.
Especially with parents, you are trapped in a "Catch 22" ..."damned if you do and damned if you don't!" When the cataclysmic event occurs, you are traumatized in a predictable way. "Will your parent live or die...survive the event and make it alive out of the hospital?"
Did you also used to think that when a person dropped dead, it was a terrible curse?
Now it seems the people who drop dead suddenly are the truly blessed. The long term suffering from the damage caused by Alzheimer's, stroke, heart attack and other quality-of-life destroying diseases affects everyone in the family. Your heart goes out to the afflicted, but you cry for your own situation.
24 hour health care toll is heaviest on those who fight the battle every day.
Usually, the spouses, most often the wives, are forced into this position. In a society where men often make more money that women, the man must keep working to pay the bills...even if it is his parent or parents health that fails.
My reason for not writing on this blog for over two weeks is a chain of catastrophic events that destroys your ability to do anything other than attend to the crisis occurring at that moment in time.
The Sunday morning after Janet returned from visiting her family in Dallas, mom work me up in the early morning saying, "I cannot breathe!" Immediately, we leapt into action. Janet said she would take care of dad while I raced mom to the emergency ward. Mom was coughing and fighting the dry heaves. The entire time I was wondering, "Is this it?"
The emergency ward nurses immediately admitted mom to try to stabilize the congestive heart failure.
Sitting in the waiting room, wondering" where my life had gone", I called my sister to either go over to the house to help Janet with the dad or come wait at the hospital to see what happened to mom.
When you are dealing with the poor health of both parents, the burden on the care givers escalates exponentially.
Your life is not your own. Someone has to always be with either one or both of the parents. You don't know when a emergency trip to the hospital is required, diapers need to be changed, sorrow needs to be replaced with hope....it is endless.
Mom was difficult to stabilize so she was admitted and styed three days, only to arrive home with a sever cough.
After a stay in the hospital, with all the emergency procedures, the patient is exhausted. Usually, there is so much noise, the person does not sleep well. Doing everything according to hospital time requires being forced awake every two hours for blood tests, heart rate evaluation, etc.
There is an extreme amount of anger when your personal power is usurped by hospital staff.
You would be angry to if all your freedom to make your own decisions was instantly removed. Hospital stays are no fun. Who wants to be poked, prodded, MRIed and punctured on a daily basis. Lets face the facts, going to the hospital "sucks big time."
What do you do when all your time is invested in just taking care of your parents?
Unless you have tons of money and can hire individuals to provide 24 hour care, prayer and trust in God is your only hope. You have to believe that God will provide for your needs in miraculous ways. This takes a huge leap of faith...especially when you don't know where the money is coming from...but God does deliver us and does take care of our needs...
To Be Continued...
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